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I Die A Little Inside

Penelope & Bella - I Die A Little Inside

A message to my children…

You’re growing up. So very quickly. And I know I won’t always be there. There to stop the falls, or pick you up afterward. There to protect you from bad influences. There to coach you into making the right decisions. So please understand, this is why I’m doing it now.

You see, you don’t know this world like I do. You’re only just getting the gist of actions & consequences, of decisions and outcomes. You don’t know, and I mean REALLY know why we say don’t talk to strangers, do you? Or why we tell you to wear sunscreen. Or save money. Or learn hard for your exams.

And you have no idea how it bugs me that I can’t control this. I realise this makes me sound like a control freak, but every time I say goodbye to you I die a little inside. The goodbyes get easier for you because you’re growing up. But they get harder for me because I leave you in the hands of the universe.

Every time you ride your bicycle to a friend’s house I die a little inside. I wonder who you’ll meet along your way. But I need to let you go on your own. It’s part of growing up.

When I hear you’ve seen an age-restricted movie at your friend’s house I die a little inside. I don’t want you growing up before your time. It frustrates me that someone else’s mom didn’t protect you like I would have.

When you come home from school, visibly upset because you’ve had a quarrel with a friend, I die a little inside. I want to fix it for you, but I can’t. No – you need to find your own place in this crazy world. I’ll always be here for you, ALWAYS, but I can’t go through life for you.

Every time you go to the mall with your friends I die a little inside. There are so many things I need to make you aware of, things that my mom didn’t have to teach me. There was no social media when I was a child, no cyber-bullying, no threat for human-trafficking, and crime wasn’t bad. I can just hope that I’ve taught you enough to identify a dangerous situation.

Even when you come home from the beach, sunburnt, I die a little inside. You don’t understand cancer like I do. I also made those mistakes, don’t get me wrong, but our parents didn’t know as much about skin cancer as we do now. Cancer destroys families, it breaks hearts. It devastates.

You see, you need to understand this about us parents, we’ll never stop worrying, so you’re going to have to deal with it. One day you’ll have kids of your own and I’ll still be worrying about you. You will always be my child, I chose to have you, I longed for you, and I would not be complete without you.

Love forever and always, MOM.

Penelope & Bella mom blog and online maternity wear store

 

 

13 thoughts on “I Die A Little Inside

  1. I have found the entire empty nest bit totally overwhelming. Nothing prepared me for the silence. X

    1. Oh I can believe that… hope you are surrounding yourself with love and positivity xx

  2. Our kids are like a little piece of our heart walking around outside our bodies.

    1. And they might never understand this until they have kids of their own…

  3. So hard watching them grow…even harder when they loosen the grip we have in order to navigate and explore this treacherous world. We can only hope we have taught them well enough.

    1. I hear you Namreen! I’m so happy to hear I’m not alone xx

  4. I am really struggling with this with my 13 year old. He is physically moving away from me. It is really really hard!

    1. That is the age where I’m feeling it the most too… Hang in there, you’re doing a great job xx

  5. Wow, this article touched me! Newbie here, Loving your blog. 😉

    1. Thanks so much, Shaney! That means a lot to me 🙂

  6. We moved to Belgium in 1999 as a family. A year ago my husband and I decided to return and live in PE, leaving our adult children where they are now settled in Belgium and UK … That was really hard ? cause our children remain our children, even when they are 30 something ?

    1. Ah, my hometown 🙂 I hope it’s easy enough for the kids to visit you, or vice versa xx

  7. Beautiful post. Thanks for this reminder, as I am dealing with my clingy kid, I know he won’t be that way forever.

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